Why grieving children and young people may find summer hard

School is done, and a long summer stretches ahead but instead of it being a relaxing time, the summer holidays may bring a sense of fear and sadness when someone special has died. Plans for trips and days out may remind children and young people of the person who is no longer there, intensifying grief and making this time especially hard. Without the distraction of school and activities, the days can seem very long. There is often a constant contrast between wanting to be happy on the outside whilst grieving deeply on the inside.

Helping children and young people through the summer holiday can feel daunting but there are things you can do to support them and yourself during this time. The ideas below may help to make summer more manageable.

Maintain a gentle routine

Try to keep a gentle daily routine, even though it’s not term time. Children and young people need regular rest, and things can feel harder when they are tired. Allowing flexibility around bedtimes during the holidays is fine but regular, uninterrupted sleep is vital in coping with emotional stress. The NHS recommends that children aged 6-13 need on average 9-12 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and teens aged 13-18 need 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep to function optimally. Encouraging sleep and rest can be beneficial for the whole family.

Encourage conversations and shared memories

Give children space to ask questions and share how they are feeling, and don’t be afraid to show your emotions too. Laugh and cry together when sharing memories, and it is important for children to have fun during the holidays even when they’re sad.

Seeing others celebrating summer can put pressure on a grieving family but give your children and yourself the licence to enjoy the holidays in a way that allows you to feel comfortable.

Support emotional wellbeing through activities

Encouraging creative activities and hobbies such as art, drawing, journalling can be an outlet for emotions. It can also help to keep screen time balanced and make time for outdoor activities such as sport, bike rides, going for walks and spending time with pets. Doing some of the activities your loved one used to enjoy can be a gentle way of keeping that connection with them.

Helpful resources for parents of children and young people struggling with their grief

Video resources for children and young people

1. Grief coping skills for kids (Age 7-11)
2. Child Bereavement UK: What is grief? (Age 10-15)
3. Child Bereavement UK: The Invisible Suitcase (Age 11-16)
4. BBC: How to deal with bereavement (Age 10-16)
5. BBC: How to deal with losing someone you love (Age 10-16)
6. Progressive muscle relaxation and mindfulness videos (Age 10+)
   Melting Man (Ages 5-10)
   Let’s Unwind (Ages 5-10)

Useful apps for grieving children and young people

Chill Panda (Ages 3-8)

Younger children (3-8)- mental health support
Supporting children under 8 to learn to recognise and manage their feelings and emotions.

Cove

Create music to capture your mood and express how you feel with the Cove app.

Instead of words, create music to reflect emotions like joy, sadness, calm and anger. Store your music in a personal journal, or send it to someone and let the music do the talking. Cove is like a mood journal, except instead of using words to express how you feel, you use music.

Apart of Me

Teens

Apart of Me has been featured by the BBC, The Guardian, Evening Standard, Huffington Post, and ITN.

Books and resources for younger children

• Someone I Love Has Died by Michael Rosen
• Ollie the Octopus: Loss and Bereavement Activity Book by Dr Karen Treisman
• Are You Sad, Little Bear? by Rachel Rivet
• Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine by Child Bereavement UK
• The Hare-Shaped Hole
• Ida, Always

Podcasts and resources for teenagers

• Persevering: A Grief Podcast – Let’s Talk About Loss
• Teen Grief Podcast
• Child Bereavement UK: Grief in Common Podcast

Further support

If your child or family is struggling with grief following the death of someone important, support is available. Rennie Grove Peace offers bereavement support for children, young people and families across Buckinghamshire and Hertfordshire. Find out more about our bereavement support services.