Laura’s Story

Supporting Laura and her family

Laura Downer was a highflyer who loved her family and career fiercely – and also had a passion for fashion. 

An intrinsically kind person but a straight talking one, Laura was someone her many friends knew they could rely on when they needed advice or a shoulder to cry on. 

But when it was Laura herself who needed help at an incredibly challenging time it was the team at Rennie Grove Peace that stepped in to support not only her but her loved ones, too. 

Laura and her husband Darren first met as teenagers in their hometown of Watford, and the story of how they got together perfectly sums up her down to earth attitude.  

“We were sitting in a pub car park and I asked Laura what she’d say if I was to ask her out,” Darren recalls fondly. “‘If you ask I’ll tell you,’ she replied – so I did! 

“Being together from such a young age we grew up together really.”

When their son James arrived the family was complete. 

“James changed our world – everything revolved around him,” Darren says. “Laura was a wonderful mum. Although she worked long hours in her banking job she’d read to him every night and always do bedtime. They spent so much time together.”

Laura’s diagnosis

Months before the onset of the Covid pandemic Laura was diagnosed with colon cancer. 

“Thankfully it was caught at an early stage, meaning everything could be removed,” Darren says. “Laura was monitored regularly with six-month scans and we were told all was fine.” 

But three years later everything changed, almost overnight. Laura had been having some treatment for anxiety, so when she started to get breathless just climbing the stairs at home and blood tests came back as inconclusive, she wondered if these symptoms could be being triggered by panic attacks. 

In mid-March 2023 Laura was referred for a scan which revealed fluid on her lungs. Sent to A&E for further investigation, a second scan found lesions on her liver. She was immediately admitted to hospital. 

Laura and Darren were warned the cause could be cancer, and she was transferred to University College Hospital (Westmoreland Street) in London for treatment on her lungs, but at that stage nothing had been confirmed. 

When Laura’s liver and kidneys began to fail the oncology team was brought in. 

“An intensive care doctor told me Laura was very ill and they didn’t know how long she had. He was the first person to tell me that,” Darren explains. “What they said next completely blindsided us. Laura’s colon cancer had returned and metastasised, spreading to the liver. 

“We were told there was nothing they could do. As the cancer had spread they couldn’t do a liver transplant and it was very difficult to know how long Laura had, but it could be weeks. 

“The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is to tell our son his mum was going to die.” 

Laura and Darren decided to get married. Darren managed to organise everything within 48 hours and they tied the knot on 5 April 2023.

“We had the ceremony in Laura’s hospital room because she was bedridden by this stage, but we decorated it and Laura’s sister bought her some lovely pyjamas.” 

Laura’s time in our Inpatient Unit

Days later Laura was admitted to the Rennie Grove Peace Inpatient Unit (IPU) at Peace Hospice in Watford.  

“The hospice doctor told us initially that he thought Laura’s prognosis was at most a couple of weeks,” Darren says. “But she ended up spending a number of weeks on the IPU. She was young and strong and a fighter. 

“Being at the hospice was so eye opening for me. It really helped me to be around other families who were going through a similar thing. It brought it home to me that we weren’t alone. 

“We knew Rennie Grove Peace well because Laura had previously volunteered there for a few years, working once a week in the finance department. She enjoyed helping people. 

“When Laura was moved to the Inpatient Unit it was a real relief because it’s so close to our home. Laura had a beautiful room with its own en suite, and there was even a bed for me. Laura had told me that she didn’t want to die at home.” 

Darren says his experience of hospice care and the support the whole family received changed him as a person. 

“I have so much more empathy now. I just want to make sure everyone is ok. It opens your eyes, I think, when you’ve experienced that level of care. 

“It blew me away how kind everyone was. The food was outstanding, and I’ve never been made more cups of tea in my life! There was a kitchenette where I could heat up meals for myself and settees so when I needed a break I could sit quietly or chat to other family members. I built up a close relationship with people, and if I needed to have a cry I didn’t have to hide it. 

“Everything was done for us. If Laura was in pain within five minutes this was being treated by a nurse. Nothing was too much trouble for the staff, and they looked after James, myself and the wider family too – they knew what we were going through.  

“We were able to spend time at the hospice with Laura’s parents, her godson and his parents and were even able to bring in our Cockapoo dog, Biscuit. 

“James used to come in every evening and would have some time with his mum on his own. He recorded all of their conversations so he’d always have them to remember.” 

Darren says the level of nursing care at the hospice was incredible: “You could always talk to the nurses. They were always on hand for a hug or to explain what they were doing with Laura’s care.  

“I also remember once when Laura’s parents, Norma and Peter, were visiting. Norma said how much she’d love a glass of wine and a few minutes later one arrived for her.  

“Laura died on a Sunday. Her last words to me were: ‘Am I going to die?’ I just told her I didn’t know. She fell asleep and didn’t really wake up.  

“The family came to say their goodbyes and we had as much time with Laura as we wanted. None of us had eaten so the hospice arranged sausage sandwiches for us. The staff were so lovely.

“It was so hard thinking that Laura would never get to see James grow up and get married. He was just 17 when she died.” 

Providing counselling for Laura’s family

After Laura’s death Darren was able to access a course of weekly one-to-one counselling organised by Rennie Grove Peace. He’s since gone on to attend the drop-in bereavement support group, hosted at Peace Hospice.  

He says: “My first one-to-one counselling session wasn’t easy but I was fine after that. The drop-in group sessions have also been a revelation. 

“I enjoy going to speak with people who have gone through something similar to me. They may have lost their husband, wife, child, grandparent, and they’re from all walks of life – but we all have something in common. 

“Sometimes we’re laughing, sometimes we’re crying, sometimes we’re just talking about our families.  

“Counselling has been one of the best things to happen to me. And it’s also wonderful to know that you can always go back. Some people I know have been going to the drop-in group for almost a year. 

“The difference Rennie Grove Peace has made has been incredible. The charity was like a knight in shining armour. Every single member of staff and volunteer – from the doctors and nurses to the receptionist team and the cleaners – have just been angels.  

“On the anniversary of Laura’s death I took in chocolates and flowers to the IPU and also took some flowers to the patient who was then in what had been her room. Everyone was so happy to see me. In some ways it felt like I’d never been away. 

“The hospice feels like a home from home. I can’t put into words how wonderful the place is. There is always someone there to hold your hand and give advice, with a shoulder for you to cry on. Little things they did like help us to fill in paperwork will always stay with me. 

“It’s so important to support Rennie Grove Peace because what happened to our family could happen to you, and it could be you or your loved one who next needs their care. The support the charity gives you is life changing. From Laura’s diagnosis to death was 10 weeks and I cherish the time we had.  

“We were together for 39 years but over those precious 10 weeks we cherished every moment, constantly said ‘I love you’ and had in-depth conversations. I feel fortunate to have had that time with Laura and thanks to Rennie Grove Peace I could just be her husband and James her son.”